At least January has gone – blown away by the raw northern wind straight from Siberia. Do they have shorthand in Siberia? Probably. Thompson will do an all inclusive holiday there – a week in Siberia studying shorthand for beginners. For a supplement they’ll provide a trip to the Land of the Shorthand Dead – those that gave their lives in pursuit of the shorthand idyll.
Brother Number 3 doesn't understand shorthand or why I have to study it. Brother Number 3 doesn't understand anything that happens outside his master bedroom. He understands his food comes out of the basement, but has no idea how it gets there or how it manages to get cooked. Beyond him. This weekend he went off to Kent on a Geography field trip, laden with a suitcase larger than one we use for all seven of us on a two week sojourn to Finland. There were things he needed, he said. Most probably cans of supersize hair gel similar to the one that was confiscated by the army when we entered the Olympic Stadium. ‘You won’t be needing that one, son,’ said Corporal Jones holding the offending can in the air for all to snigger at.
Brother Number 2 has not been in touch this week. Keeping in touch with older sister is not the top priority of a University Student. It's hard enough deciding which one comes first, work or alcohol; alcohol or work. One of them normally comes out on top. Brother Number 2 here is my main news: I had my first story published in the local paper last week. You have some post. The towels from the leaking roof in the top bedroom and your room have been replaced by small buckets, and the small buckets were replaced by larger buckets, and the buckets by builders. There is a new crack in your ceiling too. The roof collapsed. The emergency scaffolding went up. People don’t get their roofs fixed in January. It rains in January.
Mother decided that the 42 inch TV screen needed to be moved from the top floor bedroom, and Brother Number 3 might as well move with it. He could stay in the top room if he wanted to, but the TV was a priority. They could both move to Brother Number 2s room. She made that decision and was hearing no protests. Brother Number 3 wanted to know if the sheets had been washed since Brother Number 2 had slept in there. Yes, my mother said, twice, and the second time she had put some extra Fabric Care in the wash, and had put the programme on a pre–wash too. Brother Number 3 was happy with that. When Brother Number 2 found out Brother Number 3 was sleeping in his room, he asked if the sheets would be washed before he came home. ‘Yes’, my Mother said, ‘twice, and the second time...’
Undeterred by large cracks and leaks in the both bedrooms, she had other decisions to make and escaped to her kitchen to set about sorting out Menus for the Week. She bases these on the week ahead, and the different needs of the Five Children. I am her Priority at the moment, and she thinks that food will help me in fighting the Battle of Shorthand.
Sister Number 1 and Brother Number 1 have had an uneventful few weeks. No Shorthand getting in the way of their lives. Dad has been hearing roof updates on Skype. He is more interested in the first week of Formula 1 testing. How has Heikki Kovalainen not been given a seat? There could have been an all time record of three Finns racing; this would have really put Finland on the Map he says. ‘The water is running down to the second floor now...’ ‘I still remember Heikki’s first win in 2008, where Kimi was also on the podium’ he interrupts. He will put the roof on the ever growing ‘list of things to do’ and decide to sort it out when it is more pressing.
This week ended with a case of when to think before you speak. Mother, after searching for her car keys (the 3rd set) for two hours, found them in the car ignition. Finally exhausted from the constant drip of water through the ceiling and the even more constant dripping of moans on shorthand, she wanted sympathy. Dad remarked, in a bid to placate her, ‘Hey, at least we have a roof over our heads..........’
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